The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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