I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
