we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
birth control should be required to get into college
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
