We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
