First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
