So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
