Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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