i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
