this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
