I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think my mom watched the whole time
My cat gives me a boner
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
