got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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