so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
