It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
