What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
