We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
