If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
