Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
