just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You need Xanax blowdarts
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
