At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
