we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
