sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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