Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
