I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
