Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
