I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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