it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is wine microwaveable?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
dude. I can hear the air.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
