So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize