I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
