i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
