he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
