Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
