it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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