real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
