having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
