i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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