At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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