so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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