Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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