hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
