i dont even know how to be here
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
