Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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