Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
