your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
