Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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