The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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