I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize