break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I supernannyed him into submission
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
