I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
