and she was petting her beer can
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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