Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
