Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
