Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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