I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
