I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
