I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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