More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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