I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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