Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
