to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
