I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
