I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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