Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
