I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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