is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
