So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His nipple licking is glorious
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