if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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