i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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