I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
