The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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