Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
