I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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