You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
