If that was your dad, he is hot
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
