No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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