What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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