apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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