When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
