Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just had sex on a roof
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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