Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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