O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
