I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
