he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
