So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
