His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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