Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
