kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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