How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
