I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
