I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
