Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
